So I have this really close friend , who very evidently is looking for a friend-in-law who suits her, rather than looking for a guy who makes me happy. In fact most of our recent conversations never cross the boundary of intellect and mutual friend gossip, since she is hardly ever open minded and accepting of the other persons choice.
And then there is this other friend who lives in the US, who wants it her way too. 'NRI and rich, that's the way to go A'. Her line actually silenced me for a moment. What on earth happened to my emotional connection with the person? And why would i marry an NRI, when i love living in my own country. I realized most of the advice she offers me, is centered around how we can hang out a lot more, and the way she envisions my perfect life for me. I guess people become utterly selfish after they've found 'their one'. They just want to rearrange everyone else's lives to suit their own comforts.
Although these people, as individuals matter a lot, some of their ridiculous opinions are hardly ever considered by me. A friends seal of approval, chalked out most of my moves until i graduated junior college. This was that time in life, when i lacked consitency with my likings. Back then, i felt that navigating my life, based on what others think of me or my choices is the only way to think. To be on the safer side, i seldom revelead the truth about what or who i really liked. During my late teens, i always ended up choosing a guy everyone liked. Things like do-i-really-like him or is there a natural feeling of attraction, never really mattered. I behaved like a social chameleon because it was my way of avoiding scrutinizing questions about my choice otherwise.
It took me a long time to realize that i cannot possibly be selling out my happiness, to fit into to someone else's ideal world. I have seen a lot of relationships break, or seem outwardly rosy, only because your friends wanted you to be in them. I definitely agree that our closest friends know who we are to a great extent. And given that, their predictions of whether a relationship will thrive or drown will in most cases turn out to be right. But when it comes to vital life altering decisions, it must be driven by your choice and gut feeling, rather than choices made to avoid disapproval.
This dying need for approval many times leads to procrastinating vital decisions, ruminating for a long period of time, and stresses you out.
Thankfully since the past few years, i seem to be graduating from giving those not-so-convincing- nods, adding a hmm-uhm and a muffled yes, when i know for sure i opine differently. In a world filled with varied mindsets, you really cannot go out there with the hope of seeking approval from everybody around. It'll just make you more miserable and unsure.
So go ahead and choose what you really want. Approval comes secondary.
well said :)
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